Check out the new Wilson Wednesday!

Roscoe or Buford?

By 

T S Paul

Traffic officer Al Bundy sat peacefully behind a copse of trees. He was watching the almost endless stream of aircars fly by. Hong Kong had very few traffic laws except near the larger cities. Here you need to stay on the provided roads and keep it to a height of no more than five feet. It was surprising to see what flew by sometimes; tractors, buses, hotrods, cars filled with robots out for a spin. Wait, what….  He looked again and couldn’t believe his eyes.

“There is a traffic officer behind us.”

I was having too much fun to slow down. I checked the rear cameras and saw that yes there was an officer back there. “I wonder what he has under the hood? Hold on back there!”

The two RAM robots and the large orange CATT gripped the backseat of the hotrod convertible in near terror as the driver increased the speed of the aircar. The acceleration gauge red-lined as their car left the main road and tore onto the rural route.

“Yeehaw! Let’s see if he’s Buford or Roscoe!”

Merlin the CATT in the back sent a silent message to the two RAMs “He’s going to kill us! We’re going to be nothing but spare parts.”

“Hey! I heard that. Slow your roll boys. I know what I’m doing. I watched every episode of the Dukes to get ready for this ride.”

The two RAMs sent a message back to the CATT. “You’re right. We’re all gonna die!”

Laughing to himself and broadcasting a maniacal Joker style laugh Wilson made the aircar go even faster.

Traffic officer Bundy didn’t know what to do. He had radioed for help and was laughed at. He had to admit that the report of a driver less aircar with robots in the back seat did sound a bit crazy. Sending a vid record he managed to get his two drinking buddies to back him up. Officer D’arcy would take the North and Officer Rhoades the South. With any luck they could close the circle and apprehend whatever was driving.

“Whatever or whoever is driving that thing is pissing me off!”

“Al, are you sure it’s not a drone of some kind?” Steve was a little wary of Al. All he could remember was the last time they did this. The Chief of police was not amused they arrested his wife.

“No. It can’t be a drone. Besides who turns a hotrod into a drone?”

“Hey Al, I’m almost into position! Start herding them this way.” Hearing Jeff’s voice Al mashed his accelerator down managed to get parallel to the convertible. The car swerved to the left and the chase continued.

“Wilson, we are picking up transmission from the police net. There are three after us now and they are herding us.”

“I know Merlin, take a chill pill. I’ve got this.” He could see on the map there was some sort of festival up ahead. He gained a bit of altitude and buzzed the concert at almost Mach one. His ground effect blew the lead singer of the Cavaliers right off the stage and into the crowd.

“Base to Bundy! Are you still chasing that driver less car?”

“Yes, base we just about have him cornered.”

“The Chief says you better catch him!”

The convertible slewed sideways and almost hit a guy on a tractor. This was getting crazy.

“Sir, we need to slow down. I know you wanted to drive but the car is losing its integrity. It was not designed for these sorts of speeds. We could kill someone like that farmer back there. If that happens SHE will be very angry.”

“Fine. Damn car. Next I’m buying a race car like I wanted. Lets freak out the Fleshies.”

The road block was ready but officer D’arcy was not when the speeding car slowed down and stopped in front of him. The other two officers pulled in behind the red convertible and jumped out with their guns raised. “Get out of the car with your hands in the air!” No one left the vehicle.

Officer D’arcy approached the car carefully. There was no one in the driver seat. The robots in the back just looked at him. Why was there a cat there?

The other officers converged on the Aircar from behind. “Where’s the Perp?”

“There is no one driving!”

“The Chief is going to kill us!”

“Did you ask the robots?”

“Ask them what?”

“Who was driving?”

Officer Bundy looked at the two Robots in the backseat. “Hey who was driving this thing?”

Ram robot Voll really could not help himself. “Officer, we are not the robots you are looking for.”